Ken Fenske’s Playbook of Life: 10 Timeless Lessons for Thriving Beyond Basketball
In August 2023, when my family joined the Wisconsin Lakers AAU girls’ basketball program, I met a person who would leave a lasting impact not just on me, but on everyone he coached and worked with. That man is Ken Fenske, a coach who modestly introduced himself as "just an assistant." But when I first met Ken at the tryout, I thought I was meeting the Incredible Hulk—I wouldn't mess with him. He was ripped! After one year of coaching alongside him, I can confidently say that assistant title doesn't even begin to capture the depth of his influence.
Ken isn’t just a coach; he’s a leader, a mentor, and—perhaps most importantly—a teacher of life’s greatest lessons. Over the past decade, he’s imparted wisdom and guidance that extends far beyond the basketball court. Here are the top 10 lessons from Ken Fenske’s Playbook of Life that have shaped his coaching journey and the lives of everyone fortunate enough to learn from him.
1. Humility Is Your Best Playmaker
Ken's approach to leadership is defined by humility. Though he introduced himself to me as “just an assistant,” his actions spoke volumes about his true role. Ken never sought the spotlight; instead, he chose to elevate those around him. This humble approach wasn’t a sign of weakness but a powerful strategy to build a strong, cohesive team. His humility creates a space where every player feels valued, and every contribution is recognized, fostering an environment of mutual respect and trust.
This humility extends beyond coaching. At his wholesale greenhouse, Ken applies the same principles. He treats his employees like family, leading by example and never asking them to do something he wouldn't do himself. Whether it’s staying late to help with a delivery or getting his hands dirty during a busy season, Ken is there, side by side with his team. His actions demonstrate that leadership is not about giving orders but about serving others and being part of the team.
Kristin Alba, one of Ken's employees, shared how Ken’s leadership style was rooted in leading by example. "Ken is a hands-on employer, always working right there with us," Kristin said. She recalled a specific moment when she made a mess at work, spilling trays of dirt everywhere. Instead of getting frustrated, Ken simply said, "It’s just dirt." Kristin added, "Ken never loses his cool and always has the patience of a saint, showing us that no mistake is too big to handle with grace."
Calli Delsman, Ken’s stepdaughter, observed how Ken’s humility and work ethic set a powerful example for everyone around him. She shared how Ken's unassuming nature and willingness to always put others first have taught her invaluable life lessons. His approach has created a culture where players and employees alike are motivated not by fear or obligation but by a shared commitment to their goals and to each other. By putting others first, Ken inspires those around him to do the same, teaching them that true leadership isn’t about seeking recognition but about lifting others up.
Mona Delsman, Ken’s other stepdaughter, also observed his humble leadership at work. "At his job, Ken was always hands-on and would never ask his employees to do something he hadn’t done himself. Anytime I visited the greenhouse, he was always grinding like the rest of his employees," Mona shared. Ken's humility, both at work and at home, set an example that influenced everyone around him.
This humble approach has earned Ken not only the respect of his players and employees but also their loyalty and admiration. They know that with Ken, it's never about being the star player or the most celebrated coach; it's about being the best teammate, the best mentor, and the best person you can be. His players learn the importance of humility in life, while his employees are motivated by his example to work harder and support each other, knowing they have a leader who genuinely cares about their success.
2. Every Conversation Matters—Even the Tough Ones
Taylor Gifford, one of Ken’s players, noted, "There isn’t a specific moment that stood out to me about Coach Ken because they are all important and inspiring." That’s Ken in a nutshell—whether he’s giving you a pep talk, a constructive critique, or a much-needed reality check, every conversation has a purpose. Ken knows how to push his players just enough to make them better without ever breaking their spirit.
Jordan Fenske, Ken’s daughter, reflected on her father’s influence, saying that he has always been there, pushing her to succeed and helping her be the best she can be. "He’s a role model to so many people, just displaying what it should look like to be a leader," she said. From a young age, Ken instilled in Jordan the importance of treating others the way you want to be treated and taught her that "good things always come back to you." She also highlighted Ken's belief that "failure is just a learning experience. Failure isn’t actually ending something but instead learning how to do that something." Ken’s ability to turn every moment into a lesson is a testament to his dedication as both a coach and a father.
Bryan Engle, one of Ken’s employees, recalled his first interaction with Ken during an unusually long, two-hour interview that changed his perspective. "Ken saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself," Bryan said. "That interview wasn’t just about getting a job—it was about discovering my potential. Ken took the time to invest in me, and that made all the difference."
3. When Life Gets Tough, Just Keep Dribbling
Ken has faced one of life’s greatest challenges—battling cancer—with the same determination he’s shown on the court. Taylor shared how Ken’s fight taught her the importance of perseverance. "Every day might get harder," she said, "but you need to push through it." Watching Ken navigate this journey has reminded all of us that when life throws you a full-court press, you just keep dribbling.
Ken’s wife, Lisa Fenske, shared their story and how they met playing co-ed volleyball, eventually marrying in 2005. They have one child together, Jordan Fenske, and Ken has embraced Lisa’s three children as his own, always referring to them as his four daughters. "The way he accepted my kids as his own was huge," Lisa said. "They all look up to their dad." This family-first approach extends to everything Ken does, from coaching to running his business.
In January 2023, Ken started experiencing pain in his right elbow, initially attributing it to normal aging and wear and tear. However, by November, a scan revealed a concerning spot, leading to the diagnosis of a rare form of sarcoma bone cancer that can't be slowed down. The cancer spread rapidly from his elbow to his ribs, lung, shoulder, and the other arm. Despite chemotherapy and radiation, nothing has slowed it down. Yet, Ken just keeps fighting, embodying the lesson that "you can’t stop fighting because it’s hard," as Makena Christian, one of his players, put it. Ken’s resilience is a testament to his indomitable spirit, and he often says, "It’s so cool that I can live my funeral."
4. It’s Not About the Size of the Player, It’s About the Size of the Heart
Amy Terrian, another one of Ken’s players, described how he transformed a team of undersized players into an elite defensive unit. Ken’s secret? He convinced them that it’s not about size; it’s about heart, IQ, and teamwork. Under his guidance, they became a team that could outthink, outhustle, and outplay the competition, proving that success isn’t determined by physical stature but by determination and mental sharpness.
Grace Grocholski, another player, echoed this sentiment, emphasizing Ken’s leadership style and his ability to bring out the best in every player. "Ken’s leadership style is one of the best that I’ve ever been coached by," she shared. "He has the ability to listen, be honest, and make you feel good about yourself all at the same time." Grace’s reflections highlight how Ken’s focus on personal relationships and understanding each player’s strengths allowed them to succeed, regardless of their physical limitations. He built a team where every player felt valued for their heart and effort, not just their physical attributes, making them all believe they could outperform anyone.
Giselle Janowski, another one of Ken’s players, described how he pushed her beyond what she thought she was capable of. "He didn’t just want us to be better players—he wanted us to be better people," Giselle said. "Ken believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and showed me that I was capable of more than I thought." Ken’s leadership wasn’t just about improving athletic performance—it was about developing character and confidence in every player.
5. Family Is the Ultimate Team
Ken didn’t just build a basketball team; he built a family. His players describe him as a father figure, and their bond goes beyond the game. Amy shared how the word “family” took on a deeper meaning after meeting Ken. He got 10 teenage girls—who initially barely knew each other—to become lifelong friends. That’s no small feat, especially when teenage drama is more complex than trying to figure out how to set up your new smart TV. But Ken did it, and the Lakers family will forever be stronger because of him.
Makena echoed this sentiment, emphasizing that the bond Ken fostered was unbreakable. "From little to now, we all preach family," she said. "Coach Ken made up an end-of-practice or game tradition. We stand in a circle, raise our arms, and say, ‘1, 2, 3 Lakers, 4, 5, 6 Family.’ We don’t take that lightly." Ken’s leadership created a culture where every player felt like they were part of something bigger—a family that supports each other through thick and thin.
6. Life Lessons from the End of the Bench
Amy also talked about how Ken would use every opportunity, especially when players were subbed out, to teach life lessons. Sure, there were tactical tips (like, "Maybe try guarding someone next time"), but the real lessons were about character, leadership, and work ethic. After winning a championship, Ken didn’t focus on the game itself; instead, he talked to Amy about the person she is and could become.
Reflecting on his leadership style, Calli Delsman, Ken’s stepdaughter, noted, "There isn’t just one method that he uses; he adapts to each person, curating a personalized relationship to earn their trust and respect." Calli admired how Ken’s leadership wasn’t just about directing but also about understanding and pushing individuals to become better versions of themselves, whether through positive reinforcement or challenging them to push beyond their comfort zones.
Kody Dwyer, Calli's fiancé and a former college basketball player at Minot in North Dakota, echoed Ken’s leadership approach. When Kody helped Ken with deliveries during busy times at the greenhouse, he saw firsthand that Ken led by example, never shying away from hard work. "Ken is a servant leader," Kody shared. "He reminds me of a core value we had at Minot—'No one is too big to do anything.' That’s Ken to a T. He will do anything to help people."
Anna Terrian, Amy’s twin sister, described Ken using the acronym L.E.A.D.E.R.—Listener, Encouraging, Articulate, Disciple of Christ, Empowering, and Resilient. This characterization highlights the multifaceted nature of Ken's leadership, emphasizing his ability to connect with his players on multiple levels, both on and off the court.
Marissa Delsman emphasized Ken's ability to handle setbacks with grace and determination. "While some of his failures might have been difficult, he always approached them head-on," she shared. "He taught me that if you work hard, things will work out in the end, regardless of setbacks and failures." Marissa, now a full-time college basketball coach, credits Ken for inspiring her to pursue her passion despite many challenges along the way.
7. No Let Ups—Ever
Ken is known for his defensive mindset, and “no let ups” became his mantra. It’s a phrase you could hear him say constantly, whether the team was up by 20 or down by 2. Mike Elles, the Program Director, recalled how Ken’s focus on defense set a new standard for the Lakers program. And let’s face it, if you’re going to adopt a motto, “no let ups” isn’t a bad one.
Makena shared how Ken’s relentless focus on defense shaped her team into strong defenders. "He pushes us in practice every day," she said. "He loves his defense, and his goal was to help us become the best defenders on the court." Ken’s commitment to defense isn’t just about basketball; it’s about building a mindset of accountability, effort, and perseverance that applies to all areas of life.
Maddie Stocks, another dedicated player, emphasized how Ken believed in every player and pushed them to their limits, helping them reach their full potential. "He showed us why we should love the game and how to play it the right way. Under his guidance, we weren’t just players—we were a family who fought for each other every step of the way."
8. Pushups Are a Special Kind of Torture, but They Build Character
Ah, the dreaded pushups. Amy mentioned Ken’s signature punishment for losing the shell drill. Now, I’ve heard of tough love, but Ken’s pushups take it to a whole new level. Those who’ve done them will likely tell you they’d rather run lines blindfolded. But the truth is, those pushups build more than muscle—they build mental toughness, discipline, and a shared experience that bonds the team together.
Ken’s pushups are legendary, and not just because they’re physically demanding. They’re a rite of passage, a reminder that nothing worth having comes easy. And while the players may grumble about them (who wouldn’t?), they also know that those pushups are making them stronger, both physically and mentally. It’s Ken’s way of teaching them that hard work pays off, and that even the toughest challenges can be overcome with determination and grit.
9. Find the Good in Everything (Even a 10-Hour Road Trip)
Ken’s battle with cancer hasn’t been easy, but he’s never complained. Even during a grueling 10-hour road trip to Ohio, when most would be exhausted or frustrated, Ken found ways to keep the team’s spirits up. He told stories, cracked jokes, and kept the conversation light, making what could have been a long, tough journey feel like a bonding experience. Amy shared how Ken’s positivity, even in the face of discomfort, was inspiring. It’s a reminder that no matter how tough things get, there’s always something good to be found.
Reflecting on Ken’s battle with cancer, Anna noted, "Coach Ken’s battle with cancer has taught me that anything in life can change in the blink of an eye." She admired how Ken never complained, always encouraging them and enjoying life despite the hardships. "Every day is a gift," Anna said, recognizing that Ken’s positive attitude and mindset were vital in overcoming her own challenges, like managing her diabetes.
10. Once a Laker, Always a Laker
Ken’s lasting legacy will be the sense of family he instilled in the Lakers program. Amy talked about the slogan, "Once a Laker, always a Laker," and how it means so much more after knowing Ken. Even after his coaching days are over, Ken’s influence will continue to shape the lives of those he’s mentored. He’s not just a coach; he’s a mentor, a leader, and a beacon of what it means to be truly committed to something bigger than yourself.
Maddy Jensen reflected on how Ken’s presence has changed her perspective on life and sports. "He showed us that life isn’t always fair, but it’s what you do with what you have that matters," she said. "Ken helped create a culture where giving your all wasn’t just encouraged—it was expected. And in doing so, he made us better players and better people."
The Enduring Legacy of Ken Fenske
Ken Fenske's impact stretches far beyond the basketball court or the walls of his greenhouse. Through every challenge, he has demonstrated that true leadership isn't about authority—it's about empathy, resilience, and showing up every day with a commitment to be better, do better, and inspire others to do the same. Nikki Fitzgibbon, a mother of one of Ken’s players, captured it best when she said, "A large part of the journey is how you respond to hardship and adversity. Being on a team is a gift."
Zach Azmani, one of Ken’s employees, described Ken as "textbook lead by example." He shared how Ken’s battle with cancer has influenced his own perspective on life, making him rethink his attitude toward challenges. "Ken taught me that nothing is too hard; it just takes effort." For Zach, Ken’s legacy is about love—both for his family and his work, which brings joy to so many through the beautiful flowers he grows.
Bryan reflected on how Ken’s leadership style shaped him into who he is today. "Ken’s legacy is Edgewood," Bryan said. "Not just because he built the company, but because every bit of Ken is part of our day-to-day—his processes, terms, and behaviors." Bryan shared how Ken saw potential in him that he didn’t even recognize. "He took someone with no experience and fast-tracked me into leadership," Bryan said. "Ken didn’t just build a company; he built people." Thanks to Ken’s mentorship, Bryan learned to believe in himself. "I wouldn’t be where I am today without Ken, and I’ll never forget that."
Collin Benkowski, one of Ken’s dedicated employees, recalled how a chance encounter at the greenhouse turned into eight years of working side by side with Ken. Initially, they seemed like opposites—Collin, the "rebellious dreamer," and Ken, the "ambitious realist." Yet, Ken’s ability to inspire those around him quickly bridged that gap. "Working with Ken wasn’t just a job," Collin said. "Through him, I found everything I ever sought—God, fate, the strength of the human spirit, and the vitality of legacy." Ken’s influence went beyond the work itself, leaving a lasting impression on Collin that transcended any differences they may have had.
Ken’s journey, marked by his fight against cancer, his unwavering dedication to his players, and his enduring influence on everyone around him, teaches us that the most profound victories in life aren't measured by points on a scoreboard but by the lives we touch and the legacy we leave behind. His leadership, both on the court and in life, was always about something greater—about family, unity, and lifting each other up.
The mantra he instilled in his team, "1, 2, 3 Lakers, 4, 5, 6 Family," embodies the heart of his leadership. Ken didn’t just build a basketball team or a business—he built a family, bound by shared values, resilience, and love. His example will resonate far beyond the court and the greenhouse, guiding us to live by these lessons every day. Ken Fenske’s legacy is a playbook for life that will continue to inspire us all.
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If you have your own stories or memories of Ken, I would love to hear them—please feel free to share them with me as we continue to celebrate the remarkable impact he’s had on all of our lives.